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That aching feeling that Ineeded to become something I wasn't was replaced overnight with a suretythat I now was that something.And surprisingly, a lot of the worst manifestations of my sexual energymelted away with that realization too. I had known for a long time thatmy need to become a woman was tightly wrapped up with my male sex drive.I could, with sex or masturbation, sometimes lower my desire to become awoman for a little while. But as my drive returned so did my desire. Ifelt awful having to get a man's orgasm so often but enforced celibacywas even worse. It was an terrible roller coaster of a ride.Now, I suddenly felt less driven and more in control of my sexualenergy. I wouldn't say my sex drive disappeared, far from it, but Ifelt for the first time since puberty that I was in control of myselfinstead of something controlling me. I could feel sexy or even sexual,but it was my choice, I wasn't at the mercy of some primal uncontrolledimpulse anymore. I directed how I. A few more guys and gals gathered there. We all wailed until 2:00 AM. The next morning, Doris gave me a couple bottles of Kaopectate to forestall Montezuma’s revenge — she didn’t trust Mexican hygiene. And Dave gave me… a spring-loaded collapsible black top hat! It fit easily into my rucksack, and came in useful, sooner and later. Jesse and Jimmy had to leave for Colorado now, but they were not yet rid of me. Jesse drove us through San Antonio and on to the border at Eagle Pass, Texas. I thanked them profusely. What a great ride! —– I walked the pedestrian bridge across the Rio Grande / Rio Bravo to Piedras Negras, Coahuila. The Mexican customs man checked my passport and my money, then told me to open my rucksack. The collapsed top hat was on top. He picked it up and asked, ‘What’s this?’ I grinned, popped it open, and set it on my head. He scowled and waved me on. His comment could be roughly translated as ‘crazy focking gringo!’ I walked the couple blocks to the bus station and.
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